We all have someone...

“Stare down at the pond in the front, its what you see that matters.” She was saying to herself.

“If you just see the periodic ripples that run through the water forming circles which eventually alter and become plain, or you see the flora and fauna inside with the small pebbles or you see nothing but the shining surface of water illuminating diamond like appearance. Everything is in the brain, and what you eventually think and what it might turn out to be. Every hurt of yours should be justified, for there lies the true power of healing. Every happiness of yours has a reason, every heart break, every failure teaches something. Something that does not categorize  in learning but in living. Everytime something goes the other way you wanted it to be, it doesn’t mean it was supposed to be like that. It simply means you didn’t try harder, it simply means you need to continue your attempts. But then for how long?! That how long builds your patience, your virtue lies in being the best while you wait for the sweetest fruit to arrive. All of this sounds so very right, but why is that you lose faith in your own self?  Every thing of sanity, composure, patience, wisdom might be true. But right now i want to be what i am, maybe naive` and illogical but just myself with some peace.”

She was suddenly disturbed by the distant voice calling her, her friends were approaching fast to catch up with her near the pond, she despised their presence when she so needed to be alone, but as they say, “You have people when their presence is needless, and not when its needed the most.”

She was watching them coming, smiling pretending to be waiting for them.

“The small time that you spend alone trying to compose yourself, gather your thoughts and to maintain that smile comes from the deepest part of your communication with the soul.  Its when somewhere something lacks in your life, maybe because you just spend so much of time waiting, that the wait makes you a withdrawn person. ‘That’ someday you so wait for might never come, your dreams might never get their required sunshine, they might just die in the very nascent stage, or they might be killed in their buds, the pieces inside your soul shatter the very meaning of your existence. Nothing that you do, or start doing would change the death of that wonderful piece inside your soul. Outside biologically you breathe, you smile, you laugh, you experience the thrill but somewhere in the neglected dark corners, your soul continues to die, a death which is a irreversible  reaction.”

She smiles sweetly when her best friend comes and gives her a hug, suddenly as if she needed it. Both of them give her a puzzled look and ask if she’s fine. Cassandra replies she’s just been thinking. They laugh and tease, “ Some very serious thinking it seems.”

All three of them stand looking at the pond, sparkling in the last of the day’s sunlight. Nothing is spoken for a few minutes, then one of them asks, “What if we die here today?!” Cassandra shakes her head and watches her best friend with a smiling face, “There she goes again with her tirade.”

“The feelings can be curbed, the thinking altered but inside a soul dies, without yelling for help. You might start living life as it comes, completing your daily tasks, duties and fulfilling your obligations, stand on the beach and see the horizon waiting for the sun to set, smile to person standing besides if they glance, give happiness to others in whatever form you can. Because your hollowness is ignored, because nobody cares enough to cross the barriers of your pretence, because somewhere in due course of time you start believing that life is such, and there’s no time to live it for yourself, because there are people whom you love and those are the ones whom you want to see happy. Every hand of help is resisted because there is absolutely no one who understands the pain, and because its selfishly yours, and you just cant bear to share it.”

“Cassandra we should all go shopping tomorrow.” Her close friend pulls her from her thoughts. “I want to buy something graceful.” Her best friend chirps in. They both look at her after a few seconds, “so you are coming right?!”

Cassandra doesn’t reply for a few moments, she just blankly stares at the small pond. “I wish the weekend doesn’t end, and i wish there was no place where we could be other than this.”

“Oh we will come back again”, both her friends say in unison, “But are you coming?!”

Few moments later Cassandra finally replies, “Yes.”

“You  really dont need that long to mouth a simple word”, her best friend perks her.

Late at night after both her friends’  fall asleep Cassandra sneaks outside and sits near the pond. Thinking and trying to collect her thoughts.

“I really feel like ending this pretence once and for all, i don’t want to live in misery and show happiness outside. I don’t feel at ease with myself like this, wearing this mask in front of everyone.” Then a voice inside her speaks, “You will die in misery if you jump in , if you are that brave then why not as well live in misery?! It is not about why the pain won’t subside, it is about the suffering that you experience, the conflict that you are in, with yourself. Nothing stops that. Dying is escaping, living is struggling. If your soul is dying, you should not kill the soul of others. There are people who love you unconditionally, they are the people whom you take granted for. They don’t deserve the blame of your pain. They don’t deserve to live with your misery. So what if you can’t share?! You can atleast live for them. Live in misery for there are people who love you.”

Cassandra stares around in the dark, gets up and brushes her dress clean, she walks away from the moonlight shining upon her and towards the cottage. She walks away from her own thoughts, her dying soul, her dreams. She silently accepts her miserable life and watches the stars shining in the sky from her window, lying down with tears in her eyes and falls asleep immediately.

We all have someone who loves us unconditionally, and for them we are supposed to live even if that means a life long imprisonment. Because somewhere down the line you think, “Life is such.”