That day

We sat facing each other, holding hands. I was trying to pierce in your mind through your eyes. It was as if my life was based on it. You politely said it’s over, over after being together for five years. Your eyes had a slight hint of sorrow, with a trace of guilt. Something more was going on in your mind; I waited to hear more of your sweet voice. Time stood still, my eyes fixed on yours and you froze to tell me that you still loved me.

The feeling was ecstatic. One moment ego we were deeply in love, but just after few minutes it was over as if we were on a boat about to sink, the boat of love which can never stand on ice, built over a period of time. It was a late Saturday afternoon; the coffee in front of us was long cold now, not touched since the last two hours. Silence was killing me; I wanted to hear how you said that. When your eyes drifted from me to the couple deeply in love behind us, I knew what you thought. One day they’ll have an end worse than us or a future better than us. But it seemed so rosy, the temptation of being a lover and a companion all at the same time.

Time was running out. The decision was made. I was leaving the country for my studies to fulfil my dreams, he was busy with his career, and none of us could afford any disturbance. It was best to part ways, as they say ‘amicably’. I didn’t know what would happen in future. Maybe someday, somewhere, someplace else this would happen again, with another person in front of me. I was lost in my thoughts; you were searchingly looking in my eyes.

What hint was I to give you dear? What you wanted to see in my eyes? Sorrow? Pain? Love? Or a mixture of emotions? There was none. I was just thankful to god for ending this. However it had, the destination was beautiful. I was eager to start anew. As for the pain I would go through, that was none of your business. You teared me apart, left me in darkness, walked away as if it were a movie and never came back. You just said bye and in a moment you were nowhere. I saw you walking down my line of sight into the street. You never turned back. Never were you concerned about my feelings. You were gone.

I knew it was good for me. But still I felt bad, I felt broke. But I held myself, consoled myself, “He is not the one, he is just somebody. Leave him & be happy.”

Days passed, then weeks, then months I was in my second year, enjoying, learning and living life king-size. Still in my lonely times, when I went on a thinking spree, I thought of him. I tried to stop that , more often I engaged myself in some work and then forgot. I could live with no extra effort.

Years passed and I got my degree. Work started at a furious pace. I came back to my home country to meet relatives. Every street I crossed, every place I visited reminded me of him. I went away again swearing to never come back. That was the time when a guy fell for me. My parents wanted me to marry him. A very decent guy, director of a company in California, a good family friend, intelligent and understanding.

The day he proposed me in front of my whole family, everyone saw in awe. After a calculated silence of few minutes, I said  no. I really don’t know why, but that was the only thing I could think of. He felt let down, I could see. But I was helpless, I tried to explain him. He acted like he understood, but went away broke, I felt really bad for him.

On the same night when I was strolling down the front street, I met a man driving a convertible asking me for directions. He said, you learnt something today; you seem thoughtful, goodnight a smile and went away. I was puzzled over what he said and went back to my thoughts of him. Today I had done the same thing he did to me long back to a person I cared for, who was my good friend. I let down my parents and took a selfish decision.

That day I learnt that I wanted to change, I wanted to be different than that guy who gave me pain. I learnt that I was indeed in love years ago when I thought it was just a stupid fling. But I could not go back now; the harm done of all these years, the selfish decision of then had brought me here. What now? I asked myself.

This time I was wiser, today is the day to make a decision. I thought about him, and smiled to the thought that he might be happily married to someone nice...  today it was different, and indeed i learnt something.

My life changed on that night, that day is etched in my mind. I changed my decision and on a sultry Saturday afternoon in Jan I married my good friend. He was loving, caring and a good companion. I feel so blessed today as I see him sleeping beside me, content and happy in a family we raised. We  have two kids and I am learning how to be a good mother...

There will be one more day, when I’ll complete this story with more happiness than I today possess...