Grey scent

I stood there in the cold, shivering and enjoying the tickling wind. The grey clouds that were getting wilder seemed beautiful and peaceful. And just when I was glancing around the people walking, I saw him. Sitting alone on the bus stop, tired and listless. He seemed deep in pain, longing for a loving hand, and a companion.  I suddenly thought of running down there, and sit beside him, as if I wanted to be that hand, to offer the care and the companionship.  It was not so difficult to restrain myself from going. I didn’t. I just took my attention to other people out there, I was thinking looking at the sky.... it was getting darker, inside it was so full of activity, it was the start of another weekend, marking the end of just another of those hectic weeks.

It was not long since I had seen him, but just when my eyes came to place where I had seen him last, I was searching with unbound impatience...  he was gone....

Then after I went into trance, thinking about him, I saw him. Yet again and it didn’t take me long to go running to him. At first he might have thought of me as a psycho running down the street, but then when I went directly to him, he was mesmerised. We sat on the bench there, we spoke of random things, and then I asked him what for he was so upset and sad. At first he seemed reluctant, but with some persuasion he told me all. That’s when he became you.

That was the time I knew what you were in immediate need of. You never liked anyone’s sympathy; you liked company, either in grief or in jolly. You liked my honesty, and I your sincerity. The hurt was though too much for you; it was not hard enough for me to fill with my love. You became a friend, a good one and eventually somehow, without my knowledge I fell in love with you.

I knew that was not right, not at all. You were a friend, and you wanted a friend, but somehow I crossed the lines. While on the crossroads I didn’t think twice before expressing my feelings, and then you were hurt again. For in love you were, the day we met and from the time till we left. It didn’t matter to me because; my love was enough for both of us. You didn’t like it though. You told me so.

I cried that night, for in love I too was. With a guy who was in love with his love. He told me always, “In love it’s never of me or you, it’s of us and we.” I don’t know why but I forgot that. And from then onwards we have been in love together, apart and in company. We never talk now, ‘because you have distanced yourself from me. I was in deep grief, and I came out for my love is eternal. We are miles apart, you found your heaven and I am still searching.... you might have forgotten me... you love in silence, so do I. But it’s your love, and you are mine... now it’s “yours” and “mine”.

It’s strange for love is about us and we!