Gone are the days....

From a new born to a toddler, from an infant to a school girl and from a small adolescent little girl to a teenager. This I can call as my evolution in these last 18years from my first birthday.

A small little girl to a young adult. Having a cute little smile on your face, a mischievous look and straying thoughts of your soul, a free bird, a great flight in this new wholesome world.

It was that time when I used to take my baby steps and run around the house, in and around our garden, play with every other person in our neighbourhood and cry whenever mum called inside. 

My grandpa used to play cricket with me, always I used to do batting, and he compiled smiling always, when my grandpa was my all time companion, from going grocery shopping to cycling. Dad used to come home late, when I was mostly in dirty clothes from playing in the mud, or sometimes I was seen banging utensils in the kitchen playing it like a musician, and he used to smile and join me.

Ah! The journey, the main part started when I joined school, my favourite place of all. I was mostly seen on the window panes of my play group class, my teacher used to complain to my mum about my naughtiness. All those days slipped pass like small small fraction of moments, registering every mischief of mine in golden memories, some I remember some I don’t, but my mum dad know them all. All my silly dialogues to my talking, they were though never so close to me but still they remember each and everything.

Those first days of fancy dress, singing, & dancing competitions, everything was innocent beautiful and lovely! Then came the adolescence and with it my brain, it was just then that I started having opinions about certain things, I started participating in debates, panel discussions and elocution competitions. Those were the times, the foundation of my school days started building, I made some really wonderful friends, including teachers and the principal alike.... the fun , the innocent teasing, and addressing every other current topic. Discussing about crimes and news during our lunch break, sometimes studies and about life.... those moments of fights and misunderstandings, of monitoring the class and the victory of becoming the member of the governing body in school....

It was very beautiful, the teary eyed teachers bidding us goodbyes on graduation day and our principal addressing us by our nature (I was the firebrand!!!). Having grown up in a wonderful environment where the principal knew every student personally I always feel loved. I miss those days immensely.

Sometimes when I look back I see how I used to say that I never want to get promoted to Xth for the fear of leaving school. Today I still feel the same, I miss the fun, I miss the strong bonding, I miss the petty fights over competitive activities, and I miss everything. I miss my school a lot. I know I learnt a lot, and I could learn a lot more in that secure environment if I was still there.

When I look back to those years I miss being that girl who was once so sure of herself, I miss being innocent and sweet. The world is harsh, I stand in front of my school and the hard falling raindrops block my line of sight. It’s cold, it’s a dark night, and a chill runs throughout my body when I can foresee the future. I can’t fight back my tears when I consider these last two years after school, and I am afraid of the future, I am afraid of my life, afraid of this world. I stand alone, wet, on this cold dark night in front of my school gates from where I can peek into the interiors, and I still stand out in this world wishing once more to go back, but here I am stuck in the dark, a vulnerable teenager in this cruel world.

We were better off when we didn’t know about world wars, we were happy when Einstein didn’t discover the atom bomb, and the theory of relativity was like a distant dream, an open wound seemed Yuk and an injection was like a big bad shot only for the criminals......  That time was actually golden when we felt love was only about Cinderella and her Prince Charles, Snow white and her true love, the beauty and beast which had all the strength in the world, and a mother holding her child tight in worst of storms, when my little brain was filled with dreams of Aesop’s fables. When everything was as innocent as it could best possibly be.... I guess we were far better off.

It was that time when we were small, and looked to this world as newbie’s with curious eyes..... Now we have grown up to hate it right from the bloody mean relations to this entire world of cruel intentions...

I hope, I wish, I dream about one and only one thing, to get rolled back to those golden days, to relive those innocent moments of lovely childhood!

Just yesterday when I woke up my mum came by my side and smilingly said,” Get ready for school dear.” I was perplexed, I knew I had dreamt of going to school but this is unexpected. For a very small fleeting second I thought I am small again, I searched my mum’s face for clues, I saw the twinkle in her eye and said, “Gone are those days, gone are those awesome school days, gone is my childhood.”

When today I sit writing this, I know this lump in my heart is always going to bug me. I am always going to miss my school and its premises where in the bud of childhood I built some dreams, and today when I am ready to blossom, look back to those stupid days of dreams and realize they are indeed going to be true someday, somewhere miles away from their origin.

I can’t believe I am past my school life, I can’t digest the very thought of becoming a adult this year, because I still remember that last day of school when I sat on teacher’s table sadly wondering that it was over, all over, the perfect love of my life was saying a wonderful goodbye... .... .............................. ..............    ...............   ........

And again I realize “Indeed gone are those days.......................zzzz......”