Of Solitary Walks....

Why is it that sometimes we feel all alone? Why is our life filled with all kinds of dirty debris? Why sometimes I feel I am caught up in this huge cage? Round and big this world is like a cage. And I sometimes just want to escape, escape from this cruel world and its mean people. I sit in the bus which takes me to my destination, and I question myself when I see everyone around me asleep. In that solitude, I hear voices unknown, songs of country music, of a language that is unknown to me, and I see people huge and strong whom I am afraid of. I head to Bangkok from the small city Pattaya, eyes watering with sadness sadness unknown. I sit by the window look at my mom, her beautiful face glistening in the dark, and her temples shining with the twilight coming in from the window panes...

Why am I sad? I still question myself....  sometimes even though I have everything in life, all the happiness in the world, and all my near and dear ones with me, I feel alone, all alone. A serenity which brought my hypothalamus to life, and a thirst which only music could quench, and a question which makes me stray on the paths of life, leads me to a unknown destiny... and I still stand alone, In the dark, with fading light coming in from the far street, looking at people laughing, enjoying and living it up.

I sometimes actually feel I want to be left all alone. I have chosen those moments when I wanted that, and one of it is stated in the first Para.  I sit in the middle of crowd, which consists of all my family members and I still feel I am alone. In this journey of life there’s no one here with me. People just see their convenience; if their path matches ours then we are together, or else apart. For a very simple relation to break, even one second is enough, but to build it we need thousands of such seconds... I am not saying that because of a bad experience, but out of knowledge.

Now a day’s things and aquantainces are just merely made because of convenience and not out of choice. We see the future of one relation exists only till we want it to be, later it’s finished. But the main point is I feel alone, there’s an unnamed sadness, whose reason I am unaware of.  I keep on exploring new things, new people, and a new life in every second of my existence... but this is the reason, I am finding an answer, to this life, heading to unknown place, still determined to make it somewhere, someplace, away from all my roots....

I walk by these streets, and travel in this city, alone, to find the one reason, to find the one answer................. Answer.......answers.......... my thought process....... my questions.......

I walk this walk and ask this world the answer for being so mean and beautiful at the same time. I ask this world the reason of my existence, the reason of my loneliness when I have so many people for company.

Today I am walking on this street, where there’s no one, no one to accompany me on this solitary walk, on which I have decided to uncover the reason, for all but of my own loneliness. I look to the sea, and the wild water running, the birds’ singining, the trees dancing, clouds hovering over me, and it starts drizzling.....

I wonder whether I am really alone.

One more question!