Today i stand

My daily complaints and my daily anger sit on my nose to prick me once or twice. This is how I would like to describe myself in the best possible manner.

Today I stand here, all lost in life. Today I stand here to see a change, a change in myself, a change wherein I’ll be happy all my life. I hope god won’t let me down, and won’t change my destiny. I have come a long way; these few months have been like something I would like to introspect about. I would like to learn from them, it’s not yet over I still stand today where I feel lost.

First of all it was my long battle to convince my dad. Oh My God!!! I was almost in there, oh my god!

I don’t want to go back; I don’t want to go that engineering college. I can’t stand it, never, I am really happy I am no more there. Now it’s still uncertain, but I am following my dream, and my parents are there for me. I feel so much blessed. I missed those moments when I needed them the most.  Tears well up at the thought of it. My dad is a little bit worried about my long lost career, but my small naughty smile assures him, and he instantly feels that how much I believe in myself and more so in their upbringing. It sets his worries aside and he smiles at me. He wanted me to be an engineer, do my masters abroad and get married at the right age, settle down and get on with life. It would be perfect, with a job, a loving husband, both working in a good company abroad. He just wants to see me well settled, it was his planning.

He told me this when I passed out of high school. It was difficult for me, to comprehend to his plans as I had something else in my mind, my dreams, and my living dream. I tried to tell him, but he talked me out of the whole stupid idea. Without even explaining a bit, I was enrolled for JEE studies. My life turned apart. It was all about guys determined to become able and successful engineers of this country. My bachmates were all but determined to crack JEE, or AIEEE or get into a good college.

I used to think about myself, I never had that drive to study hard, or that motivation to get into engineering. There was a whole lot of difference in their and my perspectives. I slowly just kept on preparing myself for taking this poison in. ‘cause I just knew I would not be asked after my twelfth, that’s the kind of power my dad possesses. I would be told your admission is done in electronics in Xxx College, and that’s it, fate sealed!!!

Thank god! This didn’t happen, I struggled to choose my branch then I changed my dad’s mind altogether. It was a whole 360 degree change. From engineering to medicine. I explained him my point. It’s true I would not be happy in future, I may get successful, but I won’t get satisfaction from my work, I won’t give my whole heart to my duties. It’s just once that I am getting this chance; I can’t become anything after realising my mistake in future. It would be of no use. But I would regret it and blame my parents. This I never wanted to do. Okay maybe my career will start late, my every other plan will get delayed, but I will be happy. My dad don’t want anything more than my happiness, he realised my great desire, my living dream. And now he is trying hard to get me into a medical college.

I just want to say, “Dad I am sorry I must have hurt you a lot. There’s no one more understanding than you in this world. I feel sorry for fighting with you, I am really am glad you are my dad. I want to be your daughter all my next seven lives. You have shown me the best and worst of life, you have taught the essence of living. I know you have already forgiven me. But I want to express my feelings, I am sorry. I will fulfil your dreams, all the ones you have seen for me. I will never let you down, never ever in my life. I love you dad, I love you. I am very much lucky to be born as your daughter; you have given me this wonderful opportunity, to live my dreams.”

The long conflict between me and my dad have ended, he smiles like he used to before. I feel so much blessed to see him like this. When he is happy my dreams get a whole new meaning. He means a lot to me. I got my old dad back, the one who used to make me smile whenever I was sad or upset.

Today I stand with all the blessings again on the crossroads of life. But I am very much happy and glad. Thanks to all my dear friends and best friends who have been with me. Everything is still uncertain, but I have a smile on my face, which never goes away, and I keep on walking.